Friday, June 03, 2005

Looking back...a reflection and tribute to my David Benjamin...

Today is June 4th, 2005... 12:35 a.m. The house is silent as my children sleep quietly. My David is curled up with his "night-night friends" and his "two-holes blankie" -- fresh from the clothes dryer.

Let me tell you a little bit about this blankie. When David was only a few months old, my dad had a spinal fusion at Torrance Memorial Hospital. We still lived in Escondido at the time. A very sweet Japanese-American woman spent practically every hour of her time with her ill husband in the same room my dad was in. I watched her hands crochet soft little baby blankets without a pause. She also spent many hours chatting with my dad, which I think helped keep him from feeling so lonely. This was also a difficult time for my dad to be in the hospital because his father passed away at the same time he was recovering from the procedure, and he really couldn't leave to be by his mother's side. Before this gentle friend took her husband home, she gave little David this soft pink, blue, and white blanket, which he fondly calls his "two-holes blankie" because of the natural crochet "holes" it has.

It was THREE years ago today that I had trouble sleeping. I was tossing and turning and crying in my bed... I was so nervous about what was to come next. Early that morning we would be driving up to Hershey Medical Center where they would be STOPPING my 18-month old baby's little heart. Yes, the part that bothered me most was the idea that they were going to stop his heart in order to fix the hole. The thoughts that raced through my head were frightening. (I was also eight months pregnant with Samantha, so the thoughts of my son's funeral were interrupted now and then with images of a big bowl of ice cream)

As much as I had faith in Dr. Myers, who is an amazing surgeon, by the way, I still had that natural mother's worry gene within me.

We packed up David, the big bunny he calls "Bunny Pies" that was given to him at his first Easter from my dad, (which is in his bed at this very moment as part of his night-night friend club), and that soft little pink, blue, and white blankie -- fresh from the clothes dryer -- and headed up to Hershey for David's open-heart surgery.

As the anesthesiologists carried him into the O.R. ...the double doors closing behind them as he stared at me in confusion, his blankie tagging along... my heart broke in two, and I fell apart completely.

Time passed slowly, but soon David was on his way to the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit), where he would try to rest for the next painful 48 hours. His heart was mended nicely, and the enlargement process was stopped in it's tracks.

Here is a picture taken in the PICU later that day of the surgery, his blankie keeping him warm:



He was quite agitated, even by my attempts to comfort him, and we had to separate ourselves from him so that he could rest and recover. I felt so helpless.

Day 2 came, and David was 50% better. He was a little more sleepy than agitated now... but still quite uncomfortable:



The nurses in the PICU were so wonderful to him, and he moved into a less intensive department on Day 2. The following day he was ready to move about, if you can believe that! We wheeled him out of the hospital in a wagon... accompanied by a balloon that was bigger than he was. I was so happy to be bringing him home this way:



Day 4 found him running around the house and playing as if nothing had happened! We couldn't lift him up under the arms, which made diaper changing interesting. He even gave me and my mother a scare once. He was playing around with a ball and fell on it with his chest. We gasped, but he seemed to be okay. Shortly after that, he came running out of his room, and I noticed his breast bone was bulging considerably larger than before! I panicked, and so did my mom. We were so scared he had done some damage to his wired up sternum. I lifted up his little shirt, and that little fart had tucked a plastic toy screwdriver in his shirt!!



It really was amazing how quickly he was recovered... and it was like he was a new little boy. I never noticed his energy level before that, but after the surgery, his energy seemed to double...and he hasn't stopped since! Here is David now... three years later... a faint line and a tiny circle remind us of the day they fixed his "boo-boo heart".

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I love you, David! Happy Boo-Boo Heart Anniversary! We are so lucky that you are all better now... a healthy, happy, funny, creative little boy.

5 comments:

yoko said...

wow - it seems like it was only yesterday, and in other ways it seems like it was so long ago - look how he's grown! i still remember the time we were at Del Amo and D was slobbering all over the cat on R's pager chain.

i'm so glad to hear, even now - that he's well. i can't imagine how rough it was for you then. i remember your worries - never truly understanding exactly what you were going through because i'm not a mom...

Zonnestraaltje said...

It's funny you mentioned that time at the mall... because I was just flipping through my scrapbooks and was laughing about that layout. I'll post it for you so you can see what I did with those picturs.

Y, even though you are not a mom, (yet! LOL!) you are one of the most sweetest, caring, loving persons I know. I really appreciated the comfort you gave me when we were going through this time of unknowing. You are a most treasured friend, and I love you. Thanks for everything.

Satrina said...

It's hard to look at those pictures, even knowing that he pulled through and became the awesome kid he is today.

Although I know it was a difficult time for you, R... thinking back on that time, it was your strength that fueled his health and recovery. As lucky as we are to know D as the wild and wacky kid he is, he's lucky to have you for a mom, you know? :-)

yoko said...

well said, T! so true!

R - when you get the chance you'll have to show me that lo. he's a wild & wacky kid - but he was SO GOOD at our wedding, we'll never forget it! and he looked so handsome in that little tux!

Anonymous said...

I remember reading about D's surgery on your website, and was reminded how unfair life can be at times. But like T said, for that time that his heart was stopped, you had enough heart for both of you. Remember, you kept him going all the time before he graced us with his presence, so what's another day or two? Always remember, D is a strong, amazing kid, because he has strong and amazing parents. :)