Still me...but 33.

Today I am 33 years old now. It's a day for me to look back on how my 33rd year went. Well, what I'm understanding now is that it wasn't the happiest year, but that was my own doing.

My overwhelming grief for my grandmother's passing was the heaviest on my mind, and I carried those feelings through the whole year. Even when I engaged in something that should be joyful, I found myself thinking, "But I can't really enjoy this because my grandma is not here, and I can't pick up the phone and hear her smiling as I tell her about this." I let that sadness be the background music of my year, and I let myself get sadder and feel more pain... which magnified the pain I was having in my leg...which led to the surgery... rock bottom. Yes, in my 33rd year, I hit rock bottom.

I'm facing my 34th year now...and already my song is different; my attitude is different; my feelings are different. I have let her go now, and I'm left only with my love for her, and my overwhelming sense of pride for having been loved by her too. I have been off to a good start at changing things around. This is going to be a good year. This is my renaissance year! This is the year I no longer hold myself back.

Thanks for being here for another birthday! Your friendship means so much to me, and you know it is so true. I am so thankful that I have the gift of knowing you! Thank you!

Welcome, 2008!!!

Happy New Year, dear friends!!!

I have seen this pattern so many times, and this year I plan to defeat it. Each day I say, "Wow, I can't believe it's already "x" o'clock." Each week I say, "I can't believe it's already ____day." Each month I say, "I can't believe it's already ____." And you guessed it...each year I say, "I can't believe it's 200_! Where did the year go?" It made me realize that I either wasn't paying attention, or I wasn't doing anything that I felt left me with anything to show for it.

So my motto for 2008 is "No Excuses!" I'm not going to let time just pass me by. I'm going to just do what needs to be done. I'm not going to make a list either of what needs to be done because there is so much, and it changes each day. I will just think it and do it.

So HAPPY 2008!!! I wish everybody lots of love and success this year!

Had a hard day.....

Errr....hard week.

I'm trying to stretch my skills on the job by taking on some challenges I would have been scared to before.... but today I panicked that I bit off more than I can chew. I took a job with daily copy in Philadelphia (meaning I have to turn around the transcript within 24 hours) thinking it would be but only a two-hour or so job. It turned into FIVE! And now I'm not going to bed... trying to complete it.... almost 180 pages of editing to get in by noon tomorrow. The part that is frustrating me is my back. It's holding me down a little. It's making it difficult...and I'm scared... scared of needing to just get the stupid surgery. But I'll have to stress over that another day...

But I need to push my abilities and my skill. I need to grow in my career. Yesterday I realized...yes, I am a professional now.... I never felt I deserved that before... I never felt like I made it...but more and more I am surprising myself and realizing that this is it....this is what I've been working to achieve all these years. I am there. I have done it! And though this week has come with some sacrifices -- to my sleep...to my kids... to my back... and I got very frustrated yesterday with it too, it's worth it, and I'm glad this is my career... my dream.

So back to work.... no sleep for me.... but I had to post this picture from ICanHasCheezburger.com because it made me laugh so hard... funny cat picture therapy! You just can't put a price on that. Thanks to Satrina for sharing the link to that site with me!!! I think of you when I visit it, and it always makes me smile! And I have to thank Yoko for letting me talk and vent with you this week.... having you to talk to is a treasure. To all of you, my good friends who come by and visit here... thank you for making my life extra sweet! Love ya!

The end of summer...

Hope you had a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

The holiday found us camping at Knoebels from Friday night until Monday morning. The weather was perfect...and it was a nice conclusion to our summer fun. So sad to see it go already!











Lazy days are over... and there is so much to look forward to this fall.
Happy September!

I can't believe...

... that already a year has passed since I last saw my beautiful little grandma laughing and smiling... since I smelled her sweet little head and gave her a kiss on it and she replied, "I love you too." The last time I wrapped my arms around my warm little grandma was a year ago at her birthday party. I miss her every day. I miss her cute little voice and the way it lit up when she laughed.



I picked a few little roses for her. She loved roses, and I think the only reason my roses are blooming and beautiful is because she is helping them a little -- and shaking her head at me because I am pathetic with that stuff, but I could almost hear her whisper when I'm outside that they are such pretty roses. So I found a few that the beetles weren't living in and eating...and put them in a little glass I had swiped from her collection years ago. She always drank out of these tiny little glasses. My little portion of her ashes are in a little tin, which rest inside a satin ribbon pouch that I knitted, and the glass butterfly sits atop of it.

It's strange how you try to hold onto whatever you can..and hope that if you make a little shrine like this she might hear you crying and maybe you would feel her touch your head or something...but the only thing I feel is my heart breaking again that she is gone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LITTLE GRANDMA!!! I miss you so damn much.

And another little bird spreads her wings and tries to fly...

I'm sorry I don't have any pictures, mostly because I'm running off of very minimal sleep, but Samantha stepped onto the kindergarten campus today and began the registration process! I can't believe how time flies. (I know, I always say that!) It just seems to keep getting faster and faster though. Wasn't I just doing the registration process for David? Now the boy is reading and writing and telling me all about worldly things with such excitement.

Samantha is nothing like David though! David has been the model student so far from start to finish. I don't know if it has to do with his age or his personality. Samantha though is like an electric tumbleweed!

First I tried to get her ready for registration. She was on the floor in front of the TV in her underpants watching Noggin. She yells to me, "I don't want to go. Take Caesar!" Yeah, like I'm going to dress up the cat and pass her off for my daughter... although, Caesar probably wouldn't have shoved his paw up his nose and then stuck it in his mouth in front of the principal like a certain someone ended up doing! Arrrggh!!! She scored very low in her evaluation, so she might become an all-day kindergarten student, but that will probably be good for her. I expected this because she hasn't been as interested in the alphabet and numbers as her brother has always been. She marches to her own little punk-rock drummer, and you can't get into her stubborn little head when she is having one of those moments. Nonetheless, she is growing up too, and she is looking forward to school...if only they wouldn't start it so early though! ha ha ha

Down the hallway from the library...I made my way to David's classroom to drop something off. He was so surprised to see me there! His teacher is the sweetest. There he was working hard on a drawing and story for the day. His little classmates are so cute. They all looked up and whispered about the unexpected visit. If only you could just bottle every moment like that!

Slow and Hapee

Even though, in my opinion, this looks like some sort of mutant animal performing some bodily function, (But hey, that's just me!) this is actually a very quick and spontaneous scribble on an envelope by David of a turtle that really made me laugh out loud. He was so sincere about it, and I just had to smile.

The message is simple, and it's one I often forget. That happens so easily, doesn't it?

I always worry if I'm doing my best to teach my kids everything they need to know... but every day, when I stop to pay attention, I realize that they are teaching me. I have to remind myself that once in a while you need to be slow and happy.

Hi everyone! I miss you guys! Sorry I'm cheap on the e-mails... I really should be better at keeping in touch. The weather warmed up this week, but now we hear we may get more snow. I took the kids to the park yesterday, and will post a couple as soon as I can. Take care!

You know that saying...

I believe it goes, "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger." I have spent many moments thinking that to myself, but I also realize I have spent many moments just "surviving". You know, I'll even learn the lessons I need to from these challenging moments in life, but have yet to be able to say that I always take what I've learned and applied it.

Some of this, I believe, is out of fear. Do I fear change? No, not much... what I fear is judgment. I hold myself back because I decide in my head that I'm going to fail anyway and get laughed at. Well, lately I have been taking it in baby steps. If I try to change everything at once, I will fall apart. I set myself up for failure that way.

So I'm challenging myself every day to make positive change, if even just a little bit.

I just wanted to say hello to you friends out there that I miss. You are so far away on the west coast, and I wish we could sit down for a good laugh together. I just wanted to wish you well today and send a smile your way!
*hugs*

This is 32

Tomorrow (Monday) will be my 32nd birthday.

Keith and I went to the Macaroni Grill for a lovely lunch...and to our surprise when we came back out, it was SNOWING!!!



I got on the phone right away to David to see if it was snowing in York too! He was soooooooooooo excited! He's been wishing for snow for weeks now! He just sounded so cute!

I don't have any profound reflections on turning 32. It's a boring number, and the new year got off to a crappy start... so let's just see what I can make out of 2007. I can say that I'm hopeful and looking forward to some good changes.

I still miss you...

I just want to pick up the phone and hear your gentle voice and tell you funny stories. I just miss you so damn much.

No one can make my heart bleed more...

than the angelic voice of Laura Pausini....

Just wanted to share these two.... one sad...one hopeful.

"One More Time" from the movie "Message in a Bottle"...


and one of my all-time inspirational favorites...
"Le Cose Che Vivi"