Don't blink...

You might miss something good.

Friends... this morning I hugged a friend, (some of you know who I mean), who blinked and found herself saying good-bye to her 32-year old husband. In just a swift moment, the Juniata River took him under... leaving a family struck with shock and disbelief... and beautiful children who will grow up with an emptiness in their life where he belonged. I hope they will fill it up with happiness and good memories of their dad.

Why is it that it only seems to be tragedy that makes you take a moment to look around? Some days flash by so quickly. You wake up, move about, go back to sleep again... taking for granted that the next day will find you all in the same place and in the same condition. Why is it so hard to live life to the fullest now just in case now is all there is?

The minister said something at the service today... "What if it were you that died? Are you prepared to face it?" What does that mean? Am I prepared to leave this world satisfied that I said all I wanted to say to everyone I wanted to say it to...done all the things I wanted to do? Did I spend quality time with those I love? Will my children feel that I left them a legacy? Will my husband know how much I love him? Will I know that those I have wronged in the past have forgiven me? Will I know that everyone I love with know I loved them too?

I think his point was more about believing in "God" and "Jesus". What a turmoil inside of me with that idea. I make it a point to not really discuss religion with those around me. It's too sticky. Also for me though, it's a sore spot. I come from a Catholic family. One that believe in certain traditions... yet did not attend mass regularly. My feelings are mixed. I had my first communion, and it stopped there. No one said to me, you should do this and do that... but they did give me a sense of faith... faith that there is a place for us beyond the body... a place where we will meet again, and that those that love us will be waiting and watching over us. I may not feel close to "God" or "Jesus"...but I feel close to family that I miss, and I do have faith that I will see them again. I'd hate to leave this world now, but my heart feels that someone will be waiting for me on the other side, and that I might be able to watch over the ones I love that stay behind.

I think often about what I would do should something happen to Keith or the kids... events play out in my head. Sometimes I worry that something is wrong with me for being so morbid... details down to seeing them in caskets and what they would wear, what I would say, et cetera... I'm starting to think that I'm not a sick person... I'm someone in touch with possibilities...even bad possibilities...to the degree that when I snap out of thoughts such as these, it always results in hugs and kisses and expressions of love and gratitude to those around me. It reminds me not to wait until it's too late...it reminds me to try to blink less often... don't let something precious slip by without enjoying it.

Friends....thanks for reading this mushy post. I'm a melancholy mess today. To see a friend in pain is just very difficult for me. I wish I could rewind the days back to Father's Day and pluck her husband out of harm's way so that she would be smiling today... but I can't. All I can do is say "I love you" to all of you because I really do love you.

I know it is only a few people who visit my blog, and that's just fine with me because I know who you are, and I can speak right to you...and I know that I love you all. You are important to me. You are part of what makes me who I am. Without you in my life, I would smile less. I miss you all each day, and I am glad you allow me to share a little piece of my world with you here. It's not the most amazing life I live... but it's mine that I am creating with my wonderful friends, and I am so glad you are here to share your lives with me. So...let's hope I don't miss anybody, and that you don't mind if I say your names out loud here.... but Yoko, Tracey, Cyd, Maryanne, Faith, you are my most dedicated readers who comment often and brighten my day. Thanks! Hopefully some lurkers may be Ann and Shawn...and then the friends that may not visit at all or even know I'm talking about them now are...Rick, Sarah S., Karen W., Laura (the phantom), Nolly, Joan and Rob, Kelly H., Nancy C., Kristen M., Linda L., Elena, Barbara, Darren O., I love you all!!! Okay...and I'll even go so far as to mention a few people that I have thought about often but have not seen in ages and would like to mend some fences with... those would be Jason Y., John B., Cong V., Richard L., and Terry J. Boys that are now men living their lives somewhere... long forgetting all about me... but I wish them well. **Sigh**

Sorry for the wishy-washy day. Thanks again! I love you guys!

***Hugs*** .... Rachel

P.S. -- How am I not blinking? Well, as an example...my Grandmother is being given a big party on Sunday with Mariachis and everything! We really could not afford to drop $1200 right now for tickets, but the four of us will be on a plane Saturday to surprise her at her party Sunday! I can pay off the credit card again later...but I can't turn back the clock when she is gone and I regret not being there to see her face when her sister walks through the door, having traveled from Oregon to Cerritos, CA. How are you not blinking? Think about it a second...and then go do it!